Shitty MMA Gear: Warrior Dead Knight Trucker Hat

Images via mmaoverload.com

Up until now I have only shown shitty MMA gear in t-shirt form, but the douchebaggery does not stop there. Companies are out there ensuring that you can dress like a date rapist from head to toe. This hat by Warrior may be one of the stupidest things a human being could ever put on their head.

It has the ever-present screaming skulls that apparently are of Flavor Flav since they are wearing Viking helmets. The bill of the hat is apparently made out of heavy duty plastic and there is the traditional clusterfuck of lines and designs of whatever in the background. Plus, it's a fucking trucker hat! Perhaps Ashton Kutcher wears this when he drives to film his obnoxious camera commercials. Whatever you do, don't ever order this hat. It looks like you could buy it at a god damn gas station. You're better than that. You just HAVE to be better than that.

Shitty MMA Gear: Silver Star Messenger Jersey

Photos via mmawarehouse.com

Do you dress like a douchenozzle at the club and the sports bar? When you lay awake at night tucked into your Ed Hardy sheet set do you think, "if only I could look like a massive tool at the gym then my life would be complete"? If so, I have the jersey for you!

There is not a finer jersey on the market to help showcase your steroid enhanced guns that you decorated with tribal tattoos and barbed wire bicep bands. Side note: trying to hide that corny bicep band by attaching a 1/4 sleeve doesn't work, so stop trying. Even the naked, shriveled up men who parade around the locker room naked will avoid you at all costs. They won't want to embarrass themselves!

So if you burned your LeBron James jersey in effigy and have a shrine to The Situation in your gym locker so intense that Pedro Cerrano from Major League would be jealous, then this will complete your wardrobe. Just make sure you wear some fight shorts along with it and everyone will know you are not to be fucked with.

On second thought, you might just want to huff a can of Axe Body Spray. Then convince that skeleton mobster to turn that gun up to your head and blow your brains out for wearing this Shitty MMA Gear.

Shitty MMA Gear: Alchemist Cross Shirt

Images via mmawarehouse.com

Alchemist may sound familiar to MMA fans due to MC Hammer's Alchemist Management. They also have a clothing line called "Alchemist", of course. They represent such fighters as Nate "The Great" Marquardt, Jorge "El Conquistador" Rivera and Vladimir "The Janitor" Matyushenko so we should all be prepared to see a lot of their shirts (maybe even the one shown above) during the broadcast of UFC 122.

That is not a good thing however, because their shirts are heinous. If you were at your local sports bar and had this shirt on I would laugh you into another time zone. You couldn't leave in a car though because if you wear shit this awful your car would deflate it's own tires just so it wouldn't have to been seen with you in it. So you will have to walk home. Don't be afraid of getting hit by a car though because with all the shiny reflective designs all over this cotton monstrosity you will definitely be spotted with headlights.

This is the kind of shirt that ends friendships and sends you home alone. Do yourself a favor and stay away from this Shitty MMA Gear.