Happy New Years Charlie...screw it.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another year gone by...whatever. Another year down the toilet is what it is. You know I'm in the exact same position I was when the year started? Huh, did you know that? Well you know now friend...CAUSE I AM! No job (and in turn no money), still living with my parents (who just made me sign up for mother fucking welfare), no girlfriend (given the previously listed set of circumstances should that really be all that hard to believe). So yeah, that's my life. Let me tell you something, everything I tried this year I never went about finishing. Haven't kept up with juggling, didn't keep up with learning Chinese, gave up on myspace, didn't even try on facebook, and I didn't even bother putting your mother in that headlock like I promised her. I don't even know how I've managed to remain part of this blog for so long (probably because I can go long stretches of time without actually doing anything and still keep all my blogging privileges). I mean I could try drinking myself to death but who am I kidding? I'd probably just end up quitting halfway through and just winding up with a massive hangover the next day (plus I loathe the taste of alcohol more than I do Wocka Flocka Flame fans). Plus I...wait a minute, I just caught a glimpse of this Achmed puppet ringtone commercial on TV. Why is Jeff Dunham so famous again? I mean really, he seems like a nice enough guy but come on. You know what, I just came up with my own wacky character people. He's named Socky the talking fucking sock puppet, so how bout you give me millions of dollars and my own pilot on Comedy Central now? It's not like getting a show on Comedy Central would even be all that impressive of a feat nowadays anyway. They'd probably give that Mexican guy on the side of the road selling oranges a show if he ever said one humorous thing in his entire existence (they pretty much already did with Carlos Mencia, only difference is I'd actually rather consider giving the guy with the oranges money for his trade despite the guaranteed Salmonella to accompany it).

Now I know what you're saying "Hey Lelan buddy don't be such a pessimist, you should just try to consider the glass half full!" Oh yeah, well you should consider your mouth half full...with...with my penis. Yeah, how bout that? Took you down a notch didn't I. So I don't know what you people do on new years, go shoot some fireworks up a cat's rectum or get drunk and have an "excuse" for putting the moves on that slutty half-sister of yours. Me, I'm gonna be home drinking this apple cider (like a big boy) and enjoying the bubbly diarrhea which it always gives me in the end.

So Happy New Years Charlie Brown you bald bastard you should be depressed. You're 10 years old with male pattern baldness and you're the least respected member of the Peanuts gang, and they're all a bunch of squares (except Snoopy and Woodstock by association). But seriously...we are all one year closer to death.