Court McGee won the Team Liddell vs Team Ortiz/Franklin season of The Ultimate Fighter. I was happy for him. Matt Hamill also defeated The Dean Of Mean. Keith was cut after losing the fight and Matt went to the doctor to get his hideous, pus-filled, staph volcano tramp stamp treated.
UFC 116 marked the return of Brock Lesnar to the Octagon. I could not afford tickets to the event but I was determined to be part of the event. So I packed my girlfriend and mother into the car and drove to Vegas. We went to The Buffet at The Bellagio. It was fuckin awesome. Seriously, some of the best food I have ever eaten. The next day we went to the Autograph Session and Weigh Ins. Brief encounters with Kenny Florian, Cain Velasquez and Clay Guida were all nice. Clay might be the nicest dude I have ever met. I also made myself an internet celebrity of enormous proportions with this little number:
Brock Lesnar then went on to get the bejesus beaten out of him for a full round only to come back and submit a thoroughly exhausted Shane Carwin in the 2nd round. Zombie Leben also had an epic battle with Zombihiro Akiyama. Those two fights were fucking bananas and I was glad I got to experience some of the festivities.
The UFC had another card on Versus and Jon Jones elbowed The Janitor into oblivion. This card happened.
The UFC went to Oakland in August. I also went to Oakland in August. I got to watch some great fights three rows from the top of the Oracle Arena. Stefan Struve had a fantastic come from behind victory over Christian Morecraft. Matt Hughes choked Ricardo Almeida to sleep and prompted my girlfriends expert commentary of "Look! His butt just flopped over!". Anderson Silva and Chael Sonnen had a title fight for the ages and I was honored to be there. Furthermore, I got engaged the night before the fights. Hooray for ME!
UFC 118 was in Boston and had a few good moments: Gabe Ruediger gave Joe Lauzon a cake at the weigh ins and Joe took it home, shined it up real nice, turned it sideways AND STUCK IT STRAIGHT UP GABE RUEDIGER'S CANDY ASS! Seriously, it was an absolute mauling and I loved every second of it. James Toney made his "long awaited" UFC debut and promptly got tooled by Randy Couture. Randy also received his BJJ black belt after the fight. Fuck man, somebody get Neil Melanson on the phone and tell him I just successfully velcro'd my shoes and am waiting patiently for MY black belt. In the nights main event, Frankie Edgar took him his 2nd straight unanimous decision victory over Baby Jay Penn. The rematch was so one sided. Edgar went out there and made BJ look slower than dog shit rolling uphill.
Nate Marquardt was definitely not greased bro in his fight against Rousimar Palhares at UFC Fight Night. Cole Miller got another submission victory and a star was born when Charles "Do Bronx" Oliveira tapped Efrain Escudero right out of the UFC.
UFC 119 was the MMA equivalent of finding out your mom starred in "2 Girls 1 Cup". The only fight on the main card worth a damn was Evan Dunham v. Sean Sherk. I still think Dunham got hosed but it was close enough that I wasn't too mad Sherk got the nod. The loss didn't matter. This was Evan Dunham's coming out party. Frank Mir and Mirko Cro Cop hugged it out in the final bout of the night. The fight was so bad that even a double knockout due to simultaneous spontaneous human combustion wouldn't have saved that shit sammich. Frank's KO of Mirko was the ONLY KNOCKOUT OF THE NIGHT and it STILL didn't win knockout of the night. C'mon Man!
UFC 120 was held in jolly old England and a lot of shit went down. James McSweeney was finally expelled from the UFC and not a moment too soon. I need to be homies with Rashad Evans so I can get a couple UFC paydays. Apparently that is all it takes! Cheick Kongo cheated his way to a draw with Travis Browne, Michael Bisping beat Sexyama in the main event of the evening as well. The real highlight of the night was Carlos Condit's vicious KO of Dan Hardy. Condit hit him with a fuckin missile that made Robert Downey Jr. very happy in pants:
UFC 121 was at Honda Center and thanks to Dana White and Chuck Liddell being great big sweethearts I was able to go for free. I was thrilled to get to see my favorite fighter Brock Lesnar compete in person. Sadly for me, Cain Velasquez opened up a huge, gaping vagina on his face and TKO'd him for the championship. I was sad to see such a savage beating of Brock, but I enjoyed myself immensely singing "Enter Sandman" and doing the intro with Bruce Buffer word for word. My favorite fight of the night was Diego Sanchez v. Paulo Thiago.
UFC 122 happened. Nate Marquardt blew it. Dennis Siver did very bad things to Andre Winner.
Rampage Jackson made his 2nd post B.A. Baracus appearance in the octagon at UFC 123 against Lyoto Machida and won the fight somehow. Whatever, I guess. BJ Penn put Matt Hughes on ice mere seconds into their trilogy fight and the fun didn't end there! Phil Davis impressed once again with a ridiculous submission of Tim Boetsch, George Sotiropoulos took J-Lo's arm back down under with him and even Karo Parysian showed up and got knocked out in a sad fight. The most lasting impact this card had was that Gerald Harris got beat and was cut after the fight. the internet went into a tail spin and people got mega butthurt for reasons that still elude me.
Jonathan Brookins became the newest Ultimate Fighter and certainly became the ultimate fighter with the prettiest hair of all time (sorry Amir). Leonard Garcia beat Nam Phan in a fight he totally deserved to win. In a related story, this suit is NOT BLACK!
The UFC ended the year in style with UFC 124. I watched it at a friendly neighborhood Hooters that was staffed with mediocre at best looking women. Thankfully the fights were not as ugly as the wait staff. Sean McCorkle got shut up by Stefan Struve, Jim Miller and Mark Bocek both got SWEET submission victories and Georges St. Pierre jabbed Josh Koscheck right onto the operating table. If only I didn't have to stare at all the wildebeests that worked at the sports bar it would have been a perfect night.
That is all I have for the UFC Yearbook. Thanks for reading and feel free to share your personal favorite moments in the comments section. HUGS!
I'll share my favorite moments, but I don't want to touch you.
ReplyDeleteI was at a bar for that Silva/Sonnen beat down and let me tell you, if it wasn't for the last second sub me and my buddies probably would've went home and took a nap with the gas left on.
I was also at a bar for Brock/Shane and in both instances it's amazing how the more severe of a beating the fighter you're rooting for takes the more it inhances the jubilation for their eventual comeback victory (even though I personally was neutral).
I also got called gay at that event by a drunk chick for saying I like Chris Leben.
I won't melt your skin with my paleness I promise!
ReplyDeleteAlso, it has been proven that if you like Chris Leben you are in fact gay.