Never Back Down Was Terrible: A Movie Review

In an effort to save you guys from wasting time out of your lives, I will be reviewing MMA related movies. Movies starring MMA fighters, about MMA, and even They Live (fuck off that movie is great), will all be included. You're welcome in advance for taking one for the team and watching these so you don't have to.

Never Back Down was not a good movie. I think everyone knows this. With the rise of popularity of MMA, there was a surge of MMA-related movies released in theaters. Never Back Down happens to be the worst one. Combing the best part of She's All That (girls in bikinis) with the basis of Bob Ryan's anti-MMA arguments, Never Back Down was as bad as the movie trailer made it look.

The plot of this movie is essentially good looking guy with massive chip on his shoulder beats up an opposing football player in Iowa or whatever cornfed honkey state he's from. He is punished by being forced to move to sunny Florida where he is surrounded by girls in bikinis all the time. Best fucking punishment ever. So anyways, underground fighting is a huge thing with these yuppy kids and they post all the videos on youtube. These are all unsanctioned fights which makes me wonder where the commission was during this whole movie. Okay so he gets his ass kicked by the best fighter in school but that dude's girlfriend feels bad and lets him smash. Oh yeah, the girl friend is Amber Heard, she's fine as hell.

So he's smashing the bully's girlfriend, and then meets up with one of the black guys from Amistad and learns Vale Tudo from him. On one condition though, he can't fight outside of the academy. He gets mad one day and assaults four guys in the car behind him at a traffic light, he isn't arrested, just kicked out of the academy. The video is put on youtube though which also means the local PD is incompetent. So he's kicked out of the academy but is allowed to return when he cries about how his dad's dead. Amistad feels bad and lets him back after they get in a foot race, I think.

So his friend is invited over the antagonists house and is beat up in order to get him to join an unsanctioned event at a dance club called "the beatdown". The writers weren't really creative when coming up with this shit huh? Okay so instead of calling the cops, he go to the beat down to settle the beef. Bam! Hit with a M. Night Shamalaama twist! The Antagonist is disqualified after eye gouging his opponent. Movie's over right? NO WAY! They fight in the parking lot! It's pretty technical too! He throws up a triangle! And is Rampage slammed onto the hood of a car! But he wins by using a Hurricane Kick like Ryu in Street Fighter 2.

The movie ends with everyone getting along.

You're welcome for saving you the time of seeing this movie. Join us next time where I review Fighting, starring the guy from GI Joe.