TUF 12: Canadian Robots

We kick off tonight's episode with the review of the preview episode where Michael Johnson (not that Michael Johnson) beat up some pasty English dude. Mike Tyson (yes THAT Mike Tyson) dropped some knowledge on these cats. Mike has lived more in one life than most people do in 5 (is that possible?). He wears short shorts though. Whats up with that? Koscheck isn't happy he's down 2-0 and decides to drop some really bad motivational cliches in his face time with the camera. "The harder you work now, the later you'll get rewarded" doesn't really sound so motivating when you aren't exhausted from practice.

Oh shit! Bruce Leroy went from being a lovable character to house douchebag in two episodes. Fastest heel turn ever. 70 beeps later and I learned that I can say "dawg" again and that Armenians are fucking nutty. They also throw like girls. Nam Pham saves the day and prevents Noah Thomas/Marlon Sims II. CUT TO COMMERCIAL! Okay back from commercial...okay so Armenian dude tried to throw a napkin? WUT? Georges St. Pierre doesn't like pranks and parks next to a fire hydrant. Wearing spandex. Koscheck explains to the camera that he doesn't like losing to nerds. Ogre is also there, wait that's Bob Cook.

Fight Announcement! Kyle Watson is a old robot. Andy Main is also a robot but is a lot younger. Seriously, do these guys have personalities at all? Side Note: James Toney required subtitles but GSP doesn't? What? Kyle Watson likes to analyze everything so he definitely fits in with team Jackson. John Danaher is this season's most lovable character. He sounds like James Bond.

Koscheck is desperate to get into Georges' head this time making fun of his spandex shorts. Dave Camarillo uses his iPhone to watch tape on Kyle Watson. Andy Main it seems tried to peroxide his hair but instead looks like a ginger. Both boring personality fighters make weight. I feel like these guys are all sharing the same rank of "Captain Obvious" on the sinking ship that is Team Koscheck. Little Known Fact: Georges St. Pierre is French. I just found this out. Thanks Josh Koscheck! Koscheck tells Main he has big power. And that it's a big opportunity.

John Danaher explains what pressure is. In probably the most well spoken way. I want this man to translate my drunken ramblings to make them sound classy. He has a shit combover but damn he's got a great speaking voice. PAUSE. Georges talks visualization with Kyle Watson buys into the Team Jackson voodoo and without throwing a punch beats GSP in a no contact sparring match. The British guy has a cockney accent and has subtitles. Somehow I understand what he is saying more than when GSP speaks.

These dudes need help with pre-fight hype. Neither think the other has the drive or deserves to win. Locker room warm ups are done and now they are running out to the cage. Amazing metal guitar riffs play in the background to hype everyone up. They are really trying to sell enlisting in the Marines is the same as being a UFC fighter. It is because the Battle of the Bulge was won with ground n pound. Oh nice! Ring Girl butt!

Fight Time! The best way to defend punches is with your face. Neither guy has power (what were you talking about Koscheck?) And Andy Main gets a piggy back ride. For 2 minutes. Throwing bullshit punches. The fight hits the mat and there is some really boring Jiu Jitsu. Seriously nothing but upkicks. So this isn't the fight of the season. F0r a company whose biggest sponsor is Bud Light, there is a surprisingly massive amount of Miller Lite commercials. Whats up with that? Spike TV keeps it classy with a CougarLife.com ad which is basically where you go to bang cougars. Or you could not be a nerd and just go to a bar.

More blocking punches with their faces and Watson gets the takedown. More boring Jiu Jitsu. Seriously what the fuck is going on? Is Ricardo Arona a 155 white guy? Watson puts this match out of it's misery and secures the RNC. Very slowly. I wasn't choked out and I went to sleep. Koscheck isn't happy about being 0-3 and kicks a chair. Holy shit John Danaher closes out the fight with a great speech. Best fucking dude. Andy Main is sad cause he doesn't listen. He's really bad at speaking on camera.

Thus ends the episode of The Worst Fucking Talker.